By Barbara Berkeley
I’m sure that I’m not alone in being amazed and impressed by Lynn’s diva group and the story of their weekend reunion. Their bond reminded me of the beginning of the novel “Howard’s End.” The book starts with a kind of motto that’s printed alone on the first page. This motto has just two words : “Only connect.” There has been much discussion about exactly what the author meant by this. I guess my interpretation is that “connection” is the key to what makes our lives both meaningful and successful. If we can “only connect” with others, we leave ourselves open to their knowledge, their love and their support. We form a larger unit. But sometimes connection is scary and sometimes it’s hard to find others who feel the same way. In other words, it’s easier said than done.
Lynn’s group is the ultimate in connectivity. Here are a bunch of women who had never met but who had shared the most intimate details of their lives. This was able to occur because of the Internet. It seems that Internet relationship building can have great strength. Could it be that when we are not distracted by someone’s physical appearance, are not watching their mannerisms or reacting to their voice, that we pay more attention to their thoughts?
I have always believed that one of the most important keys to successful weight maintenance (in fact, to any behavior change) is a support network that honors and validates the maintainer’s new choices. Lynn’s experience confirms this. Real back up is especially important because of the tendency of maintainers to encounter sabotage. It’s unfortunate, but many people are simply waiting for the moment when a maintainer will start putting it all back on. Frequently, these same people will put maintainers in the way of food, urge them to eat, or criticize their new life. A group of like-minded people helps remind us that we can be in this struggle together. That’s important.
Lynn has her divas and I’m surrounded by all the people I treat. Each one of them helps me stay on track. But what about you? If you are wondering how you might find support in that SAD world out there, I can offer a few suggestions:
1. There are many internet sites that are available to you and that will allow you to meet other maintainers. I’m going to leave it to Lynn to talk about some of these options, as she knows them better than I do. Of course, you can post comments on our own topic boards and get into discussions with people who visit this site. I encourage you to do that. If you get into a conversation with someone who seems interesting, exchange emails and continue your discussion privately if you prefer.
2. Local weight loss programs (Weight Watchers and other commercial programs) have meetings that are generally attended by their own clients. I encourage people who’ve lost weight in other ways to ask whether they could attend meetings during maintenance. Although you might be at a different point in your weight loss journey than others in the group, your experience and determination may be invaluable to others and you may gain support in return.
3. If you prefer one-on-one support, consider locating a good dietician---but make sure that it is someone who can get behind the diet plan you’ve chosen to follow in maintenance. Plan to meet once a month at minimum. You can also find the names of several dieticians and counselors on our site who are willing to perform this service over the phone or on the Internet.
4. If you are the proactive type, consider putting an ad in the local paper that says you are looking for people who have lost weight and seriously want to keep it off. Meet in each others’ homes and establish an agenda for each get-together. Possibilities include: cooking maintenance friendly recipes, inviting speakers, going out to dinner together, having a personal trainer visit and give work out advice, having a dietician take you on a grocery store tour. Be creative! If any of you decide to do this, please write in and let us know how it goes.
As always, Lynn and I are interested in you. If some of you have effectively solved this problem, we’d like to know how. Let us know where you are getting your strength and resolve. Are you doing all that solo or are there others around you? If so, who are they and what are they offering? We hope that our website is a small piece of your support structure and that it is a place where you know that all your efforts are understood and applauded. Please know that we both admire and value each and every one of you!
