By Lynn Haraldson-Bering
This blog will be partly written by me and partly written by you. Someone needs help, dear readers, and I do NOT have the answer.
I received this email the other day: “I have been a yo-yo dieter for most of my life (48 years old). In 2003, I got down to my goal weight and was able to stay there for a whole year (a feat itself). However, since then, I've put the weight back on and then some. I know all the right things to do, but I seem to have a mental block about ‘climbing up that mountain again’ only to fall down again, i.e. sort of have given up.
Here's the question I have for you: Let's say you didn't have the strength to keep the weight off and regained it. What would YOU do to take it off it again? Is there a program you'd follow? I'm in the ‘tomorrow I'll start’ mode which has lasted 5 years now. Can't make it through one day ‘on track’.”
I, too, was a yo-yo dieter. As I like to tell people, I’ve been up and down the scale more than a stripper on a pole. I’m an expert dieter. It’s only been the last 19 months that I’ve cut my teeth on maintenance. I’m a newbie and I’m learning things every day.
I can only speak to what was different this time and why I’ll not gain my weight back. Notice I don’t say “Hopefully I won’t gain my weight back.” There’s no “hopefully” for me anymore. This is it. I’ve never been more confidant of anything in my life. Why? Because I made the mind/body connection. I truly love who I am and I learned to love the 300-pound woman I was because SHE is the woman who took the time to figure it out.
If I were to gain some weight again, I’d get right back on track with journaling everything – emotions, food intake, why I’m eating what and when, all that stuff. I’d move, too. Take a walk, get to the gym, lift some weights, even if it was just for a few minutes. Probably, though, I’d go see a therapist who specializes in weight issues. There’s a lot of pain back there in the pasts of obese and overweight people. Not everyone, of course, but many people. We all need help once in awhile deciphering what’s really on our minds and why all that crap’s on our plate (figuratively and literally).
To the writer of the question (who I know is reading because she said she would), I ask this: how much emotional work have you done all the times you’ve lost weight before? What’s your personal opinion of yourself? You don’t have to tell me. I pose these questions so you can begin to unravel what keeps you from staying at your goal weight. You deserve to be happy and healthy. I hope you believe that.
So, the rest of you, how do you answer our writer’s question? Please post a comment and I will add it to the actual blog. I look forward to your answers, as, too, does our writer. And I thank you for considering your answers.
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Reader responses:
From Amy: The yo-yo isn't healthy. I would say get out of that cycle and just maintain. You might think that maintaining at your high weight means giving up, but it isn't. It's a commitment to not gaining any more weight. After you reach a point where maintaining at that high weight is no longer interesting to you and you feel motivated to lose weight again, take it SLOW. Concentrate not on getting back down to your low weight, but on something small and easy. Lose 10% or even just 10 lbs. And then stop. Maintain that. Refuse to let the scale go back up. Maintain at that almost-high weight until you actually want to lose more, and then set another SMALL goal and achieve that--then maintain. You don't have to conquer the world and keep it conquered. Just get the yo-yo out of your life. You deserve better.
From Vickie: This time (2nd year of maintenance after 2 years of losing it all slowly): eating disorders therapist AND psychiatrist AND yoga I am on meds - and that has made a huge difference. I would not be on meds through a GP (personally) ONLY through a psychiatrist. I think that when we hit maintenance - it has to be an accumulation of all the work/learning that we did with weight loss. If it is a d-i-e-t mentality with little work done - and all the focus on the scale - then we all seem to have a tendancy to BOUNCE - down and then right back up again. The expression 'it is about the food, until it isn't about the food' is on my mind every day. My therapist and I look at each other at some point in my weekly session every time and say 'the fat is just the part you can see'. My weight will NEVER climb again. Every day even when bad things happen - I stablize myself FIRST and take care of others SECOND. My maintenance is my foundation. I live my life in a preventive mode NOT a reactive one. I live from the inside out now. I use to react from the outside in. I am healthy - I eat healthy - I exercise healthy - I sleep healthy - I take care of myself healthy. I am very careful not to enable myself - and not to allow others to enable me - to make unhealthy decisions.
From Lyn: Before I even read your answer to her, Lynn, my answer was, "therapist." Because that's where I am at. Regained 22 out of 63 and I am kicking and screaming and clawing my way back down. I KNOW it isn't a matter of finding a "diet" that works. Anyone who has already lost the weight knows how to do it, CAN do it, so there is something emotional or mental going on when we "can't." I think it is important to get to the bottom of that, or at least start to udnerstand ourselves well enough to release whatever is holding us back. So, yes, counseling. And yes, loving ourselves. And then there is the part that is "just do it." Which is easier said than done, but there is something to be said for doing the work of losing weight whether we feel like it or not!
From Mari-Anne: I have to agree with what others have said. There has to be a value of self and a self worth underlying maintaining weight loss. That we're worth it. But different people gain weight for different reasons. For many it's a defense mechanism for all sorts of hurts....like a shield, but you can only find out if you speak with someone one on one or in a group setting if you can find that. I know people who've been helped by OA because it kind of deals with some of that and of course Weight Watchers teaches psychological skills that help you along the way, but until you get to the core reason why you personally don't keep the weight off and go back to overeating, your chances of success at that are lower. This was the last piece of a very complex puzzle for me that began with a breakdown and the gaining of most of my weight, though I'd been somewhat overweight to begin with. Taking the weight/shield off was the last step after I got healthy and really believed I was worth it and didn't need to hide behind the fat anymore. I wish your reader happiness, and futur permanent success!
From Colleen: All the comments made great points, but I'd like to add one more: forgive yourself for the past. When I finally got back on track after regaining weight, I felt frustrated that I was losing the same pounds I'd just lost. It didn't seem like a real accomplishment, but more like when you bomb a test and have to retake it. I realize now that I would have been better off focusing on the positive changes I was making and how I was going to make them stick.
From Valarie: Just to put my opinions into context, my maintenance history - down 130 lbs and maintaining that loss for four years. And I've yo-yo'd plenty. I lost all my weight in my 20s, and regained. I lost 120 lbs in 1999 and regained 80 of it. I'll be the rebel and suggest the therapist idea may be useless. I did all the therapy in my 20s after regaining the first time and it didn't make any difference to my weight. I needed the therapy for self-esteem issues, so I don't dislike therapy, but it produced no results in my weight issues. If you have serious self-esteem issues, see a therapist. If you just have minor, everyday self esteem issues like the rest of the world and would only seek therapy in order to help lose weight, I think it's a waste. My experience tells me that my weight issue was primarily physiological. When I cut out sugar and most other refined carbohydrates, my hunger diminished and I lost weight relatively easily. Before this, my weight issues always felt like they were psychological. Why couldn't I just diet? Why did I hate myself so much that I was destroying my body? How little must I have thought of myself to allow myself to get to 340 lbs? In the end, those issues disappeared when I got off the carbohydrate/insulin/hunger rollercoaster. The issue had been physiological, not psychological. Maintenance is tricky. I'll admit it. For me, maintenance depends on being constantly aware of the certainty that I *will* regain weight if I allow those foods back into my life on a regular and consistent basis. I know it's true because I keep proving it to myself. I'll indulge at the holidays just a little too much and end up gaining 10 lbs in the blink of an eye. I have my redline weight. The number on the scale that is my danger zone. When I hit it, my food choices become the most important thing to focus on that day and I grit my teeth and spend the day fighting cravings as I come off sugar and flour once again. It doesn't matter what else is happening that day, this comes first because it has to. If it doesn't, I'm only a breath away from being 340 lbs again. Why have I been able to maintain this time when I haven't in the past? I think I finally got it that this was a problem that was with me forever. I wanted maintenance and my food choices to be natural and easy before. Now I know it will never be, it will always be work. Funnily enough, rather than that thought being overwhelmingly depressing, it's liberating. It's just who I am, a woman who will have to be vigilant and careful with food for the rest of my life. It's a small price to pay for my size 10s. Everyone says maintenance is harder than losing weight. I tend to disagree. It's more challenging, but it's not harder if that makes any sense. Living a day in a healthy, normal weight body is much easier than a day being overweight. You usually get more food in maintenance, too. All the cards are stacked in our favour. To answer the original question, I'd ask another question. You are going to have to live the rest of your life one way or another. Why give up? It doesn't get you anything. Give it another try. At least that way you have another shot at figuring out how to make maintenance work for you. None of us knew that this would be the time it worked. I went into my last weight loss attempt scared that it was futile, too. You can't win if you don't play and the reward is *so* worth the effort.
From Bobbi: The one thing I do no matter how depressed I get about gaining weight or feeling fat or trying to lose weight is that I never give up. I truly believe that there is a "remedy" for each one of us. My remedy was joining Trevose Behavior Modification. We meet once a week. During our meeting we get weighed in and share the experiences of our week. We are not supposed to talk about food, but rather the emotions, the ah ha's, the frustrations, etc. that we felt, discovered or over came. The support of the group is what keeps me going and that's why I've been going weekly for 8 years. I know without them I would gain my weight back. It used to be free, then became $1/week and now it's $2. The money goes to the main office [all volunteer staff]. The money is used to make copies of the monthly newsletter, food journals, etc.
If you don't have this group around you, maybe you can get some people together and start one. This is the gist: You need to journal your food and calories everyday. You need to do some type of exercise at least 5 days a week. You need to drink lots of water and other low cal fluids to help you not retain water. You need to stop eating in the car, the bathroom, the bedrooms, den, etc. Eating needs to be done in one room only. Pick that room [restaurants are considered "that" room"]. You need to change your eating habits. During every meal you need to leave a little over. We all put too much on our plates anyway so it shouldn't be to hard. Also, don't eat so quickly. Really be present and remember what it is like to taste the food and really enjoy it. Also, one thing that may help is keeping your food journal with you at all times. In Trevose, you really aren't supposed to eat if you can't write down your food right away.
So, the 5 behavior modifications of Trevose are:
Eat in the same place
Exercise
Leave a little food over
Slow down
Don't eat unless you have your journal with you
Now I know you're thinking that this is just toooo much. But let me tell you, over the 8 years I've been in my group a lot of men and women have come and gone. They leave because they get tired of journaling, exercising, whatever. Now let me tell you the truth. They have all gained back their weight if not more. Maintaining is almost harder than dieting [as you know]. So, if you want to learn more about this group you can email me at Logica62@aol.com. Good luck!!!!
Also, you can go to my blog http://bobbiesbabbles.blogspot.com/ for inspiration.
Of course, if this is Marie, than you are already on the right path!! If it's not Marie, than I hope this helps you.
