Time once again to ask you to answer a question for a reader. This month’s Questions from Readers to Readers comes from Trixie who actually posted this question in a blog I’d written over on personal weight site, Lynn’s Weigh, about a doctor who told his patients he hoped they gained weight over the holidays! Insane. Anyway, Trixie wrote:
“(T)his post makes me even more nervous to go back to the doctor. I honestly haven't been to a physician in about 7 years (OB-GYN, yes). I had such bad experiences when I was overweight with doctors being rude and insensitive and telling me that the actresses on magazine covers were "healthy" and should be my role models (hello, Hollywood is totally crazy!) that I don't trust them. Now that I've reached and maintained at my goal I'm scared to go back because I'm still at the upper end of the weight chart for my height and I really don't want some, excuse me, a**, telling me I NEED to lose more weight. I know that I might ultimately be doing more harm than good to myself by avoiding doctors, but I just don't know if I can put myself through it, or trust anything they say if they can't respect my weight. Does anyone else feel like this about doctors?”
This is a universal question for all stages of weight: obese, overweight, comfortable and maintaining. How do you find a doctor you’re comfortable with? How do you talk to a new doctor? How do you talk to your current doctor? What’s your relationship?
Send your answer via a comment or through email to refusetoregain@gmail.com. You can also submit a YouTube video and we’ll embed it into the blog post for reader comments.
Interesting topic. Let’s hear what you have to say.
Here are a few comments we've received via email:
From Lynette: I would like to add a comment about finding doctors who will work in a supportive, compassionate way with those of us who live the journey of health/healthy weight/maintanance.
1. Ask your friends for a referral to a Dr. who they have had a positive, professional relationship. Interview Drs. and be very clear about your goals, expectations and past experience. Find a Dr. who will work with you and not beat you up.
2. Take back your power! For too long I gave away my own sense of what was right for me because I always felt that since I was and obese person I had no rights. No right to speak up and to defend myself and my health. Again be very clear about your goals. I found a Dr. who worked with me at my heaviest weight, while I had stopped dieting and was working with a therapist. He helped me and supported my goal of a healthy weight. I found him to be supportive and compassionate, so I know that there are good Drs. out there!
3. Accept where you are------I mean really accept it. Once I was able to accept myself with the same compassion I expected from a Dr, things began to turn around.
4. Accept that our culture is screwed up when it comes to women and weight, diets and cultural expectations. Doctors are human and they believe the same junk I did until I changed my thinking. We as a society spend millions of dollars for weight loss solutions that don't work to only repeat the process. Find your own balance and ground around the whole diet and maintanance thing.
5. I refuse to be weighed in each time I went to the doctor. It took the pressure off of me and my doctor was fine with it.
6. Log on to Body Positive web site. They list practitioners who have a much balanced, non-judgemental approach to weight and health.
These are a few ideas that helped me throught this tough issue. Hope some of these are helpful.
From Elli: Oh my gosh I can so identify with what Trixie said! And thank you thank you thank you for posting her comments to share with us! I feel like I'm not the only one in the world with this weird thing about going to the doctor anymore. Wow. What a revelation. Because most people have absolutely no hangups at all and I've always felt like such a freak.
The very first time I went to a doctor by myself was to get birth control pills. I was 18 years old and thought I was being responsible. And the doctor looked and pointed at my stomach and said "oh, is that an appendix scar?" Flabbergasted and mortified I said "ummm, no...just a little stretchmark." I was always very shy and easily embarrassed and boy that didn't help. At that time I was about 20 pounds overweight. A few years later I went to another doctor for some pain I was having in my arm and he ridiculed me by coming to see him at all. He literally told me " you know, everyone has pains and lumps from time to time." He was extremely condescending to me. And somehow those two experiences in my psychological makeup did something. I know it wasn't reasonable but it happened. It shaped me and my thoughts and I cannot seem to break out of it.
I have been to a few doctors now and then thru the years for serious things but other than that, no, I do not go. I don't want to go. I am terrified of seeing doctors or hospitals or anything medical in general. So far I've done a great job of keeping myself reasonably healthy. I stay on top of checking my blood pressure and cholesterol (with a home kit), eating right, losing 70 pounds, exercising almost every day, sleeping well, and all the other things I can do myself. I know there has to come a point where I get over this but as to how to make that happen. I am clueless! It's a full raging phobia now after all these years.
I am going to be 45 this year. I have such a mistrust of doctors and a really bad attitude about the way practices are run. I honestly feel like there's not a single doctor anywhere in my region who would work for me so why bother. Is there any hope for me?
To Elli I strongly encourage you to, before seeing a medical professional, perhaps talk to someone such as a psychologist to discuss your phobia so you can be more comfortable making an appointment to see a doctor. I know Barbara is going to address this issue in an upcoming blog, but I really hope you'll do something soon. Preventative medicine is the best medicine and now, when you're feeling good, is the time to get everything checked out in order to stay well.
