I apologize for my blogging absence. I was preparing for and am now back from a whirlwind business trip/vacation to New York City (the business part) and Connecticut (the vacation part). I’ve hit the ground running, and with two days of exercise under my belt, it feels good after five days off. My muscles are trying to mutiny, but I’m captain of this ship, doggone it, and am back in full control.
I saw my Maintaining Divas once again at our second annual get-together. I wrote about about them last year (see A Gathering of Divas and The Maintaining Divas Meet At Last) and while we were missing one Diva this year (MA couldn’t make it, but we talked to her on the phone), our face-to-face reacquainted us with each other’s facial expressions and voices, and also with the way we eat – the foods we choose and how conscious we are of what we put in our mouths. You haven’t grocery shopped until you’ve shopped with the Divas. It took an hour just to get through the produce, and after the great Cornbread Debate, there was much flirting with a cutie bald guy in the spice aisle.
The Divas have a thing about their cameras. I doubt any of us back in our pre-weight-loss days would have allowed the number of photographs we take of each other when we get together. Many of them are silly or spur of the moment, like we were teenagers on spring break. Our (clothed) bottoms are in many of the photos. I dare you to find a photo of my back side when I weighed over 170 pounds. I used to be hyper conscious of anyone within 50 feet of me carrying a camera. Now I figure, “Hit me with your best shot.” And so they did.
I’m glad to have these photographs that capture both laughter and intensity. I wish I had more photos from other times in my life. As sad as it sounds (or perhaps grotesque to some), I wish I had a photo of me at my husband’s funeral or when my grandmother cried in my arms because she could no longer see and felt useless. I wish I could see again the expression on my face when my daughter Carlene stood at the top of the stairs when she was 3 years old and exclaimed, “Mommy? You piss me off!” (I cleaned up my language after that.) I wish I had more photos from family picnics and graduations and reunions. Photos invoke memories and make us remember what those moments felt like. Those feelings transcend weight. We WERE more than our weight. But in the moment – when the camera is staring at us – it’s hard to remember that.
Now it doesn’t matter as much. How sad, though, that I placed so much emphasis on angle, lighting, and expression that I missed opportunities to relive and remember so many good (and painful – they are valid and necessary, too) times just because I was overweight or obese.
So here’s to my Divas and their cameras and goofy looking photos. I know what they mean. I see them and know what I was thinking and feeling. The Divas support me in maintenance, but they also help me dig out of that pile of emotional garbage from my past.
I wish all of you maintainers a support system like the Divas. I found them while I was losing (a few of them had reached goal) and have known them for 4 years, all through a message board.
Barbara and I would love to hear your maintenance support stories. How do the people around you support you the most? Who do you turn to when maintenance seems overwhelming? How do you feel about photographs now that you’re at goal? Email them to refusetoregain@gmail.comor leave a comment. We want to keep this dialogue going.
