Barbara wrote in her July 22 blog entry “The Thin Doc’s Dilemma”: “I am maintaining a 20-pound weight loss myself and would be vastly heavier if I had not reversed the process and put a permanent end to it. I live exactly the life and follow exactly the recommendations I make to my patients. In fact, you could even say I am the living lab for the program I preach.
“Nevertheless, overweight people don’t trust thin people to ‘get’ it. You may even find this to be true as a maintainer of larger amounts of weight, someone who was quite heavy for most of your life. Once you become thin, you seem to cross an invisible line. Like the rich, the thin are different.”
In our country, thin is the minority, particularly people who have been thin all their lives. Having been thin for five minutes during my adult life before losing weight this last time, I admit that I’d harbored a certain level of jealousy of thin people and, I realize now, a certain amount of suspicion that they could never understand how it felt to be overweight or what it was like to struggle with food issues. After all, if you’re thin, you have no problems, right? At least that’s the story I told myself for years: “If only I was thin, I’d be happy.”
Now that I’ve been a member of the “thin club” for a few years, it’s time I rethought my views of thin people and tried to understand where my remaining mistrust lies. A few reader responses to Barbara’s blog started this process.
Emily wrote: “Working in an office of mostly women, the topic of discussion often turns to weight. And today the thinnest of the group says 'I know you think I'm crazy, but I really do have weight issues. I've been heavier, I've been smaller, and I love food. It's a constant struggle for me...' and the conversation continued from there. And it was really interesting to get to know her on another level, and think of her in a different way.”
I’ve heard the same thing from thin coworkers throughout the years and merely dismissed their concern (although I didn’t see it as a bona fide “concern”) with, “Honey, you have NO idea what it’s like…” Talk about assuming a lot. Out of my own insecurities, I missed countless opportunities to explore what living life as a thin person really entailed. No wonder I lost and gained so many times and am just now figuring it out exactly how to stay thin.
Now the shoe’s on the other foot. If I were to start a job somewhere, no one would know I’d been overweight unless I told them. And I wonder how many people would just dismiss me if I said I had to be careful how I ate without explaining that I once weighed 300 pounds? How many Emilys are really out there, open to listening to a person who on the outside appears to be a non-struggling thin person discussing her weight issues?
The other comment that got me thinking about this subject was Maura: “To be honest, as a formerly overweight person who struggles on an almost daily basis to keep my weight in check, I see thin people differently now. I see that most thin people do things to take care of themselves – they go to the gym or practice yoga or go hiking. They're active. You don't hear them talking about what's on TV every night.
“I also see they tend to make healthier choices when it comes to food. They don't eat the entire portion of the questionable ‘food’ restaurants serve. And if you talk to them, you find out they don't do this because they like it (the food part, not necessarily the activity part). You learn that they too practice weight management. They may not have to be strict with it the way I do because they've never really been overweight, but they still practice it.
“I think overweight people tend to fall into a trap of thinking that being thin is natural for ALL thin people. I have thin friends – who have been thin for as long as I've known them (20+ years) and they work hard at staying thin. Most of the time they eat healthfully and they exercise consistently. They also hear the call of Thin Mints and sometimes will indulge with a ‘binge’ session and devour a package in one or two sittings.
“The difference? They don't eat Thin Mints every day. And they don't whine about not being able to. They just go out there and do what they need to do most days and enjoy a few indulgences along the way.
“I think I'm far more inclined to learn from always thin people and formerly overweight people (especially them) now that I've lost weight. I realize it was MY thinking that was my biggest hurdle. When I whined ‘How can you understand?’ what I was actually doing was asking for validation for my rationalizing away behaviors that were keeping me fat.”
Learning from thin people. It never crossed my mind until now. How can I learn from people I am jealous and suspect of? It’s impossible until I address my own biases and insecurities.
Since Barbara’s blog, I’ve made an effort to examine my first impressions of people in the grocery store, coffee shop, and other public places. I’ve noticed that when I see overweight and obese people, my first subconscious impression tends to be, “There’s an overweight/obese person. I feel comfortable around (and sometime sorry for) him/her.” When I see a thin person, my first impression is often, “There’s a person who could never understand me.”
This made me wonder how I view my own self as a thin person, and I have to admit an uncomfortable truth. When I look in the mirror, I don’t think, “There’s a person I can trust.” Ouch. What I usually think is, “You’re gonna gain weight someday, you know that, right? You’re not REALLY thin.” Like that commercial, “I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV…” I’m not really thin, but I fake it well in real life, at least for the time being.
Rethinking thin. It truly is a completely different mindset and way of life. And I am going to make an effort to look for opportunities such as Emily had to talk with other thin people, if they’ll indulge me, about how they stay thin.
Just when you think you have it all figured out…Again, you all continue to educate me on my maintenance journey
