By Lynn Haraldson-Bering
Barbara asked in her last blog, “What lovely, strange and unique things have you discovered as a result of your own maintenance experience?” I’ve been thinking about my answer to this all week, but realize I don’t have much to add to what so many of you already wrote.
I’m working on losing a few pounds I’ve gained, so I could totally relate to Claudia who has gained back some of her weight loss. Rather than ignore it, she’s tackling it. When I’d gotten to some illusive weight “goal” in the past, I always regained because I went back to my old way of eating, just like Barbara wrote: “Most people who finish a weight loss return to a modification of old habits. Habit is the operative word. If your previous dietary style made you fat, it is likely to do so again, even with modifications.”
Gee, and I thought I was the only one! Oh the emotional pain I put myself through when I couldn’t maintain a weight loss. But I had no tools! I honestly had no idea how to do it. I didn’t ask questions or even know who to ask. I just figured I’d lost weight so I could go back to eating again. But like Judy said, “To keep it off, eat the way you ate to lose it.” Sounds so simple, but if you lost weight by starving yourself or depriving yourself of everything you like, chances are you’re not going to keep eating the way you did while you lost weight. That was always my problem before.
It’s only when I got curious about what makes my body tick that maintenance became more fun than tedious. As SueT wrote: “Gathering this scientific information about ME, knowing MY body and MY idiosyncrasies, has set me free.” Set me free. I like that phrase. I was a slave to the scale for so many years, a prisoner in my own body, both when it was heavy and when it was thin, because I didn’t understand it. My mind short shrifted my body, saying, in a way, “Just feed it and it will be happy! Now move on to more important thoughts!” But so many of my thoughts and subsequent actions revolved around the fear and loathing I had of my body. Still, it took me years to understand that I had to consult my body, and to understand what it needs and doesn’t need in order to be “set free.”
Linda made a great analogy about the kind of commitment it takes to maintain: “Weigh maintenance is like marriage. You don’t make the commitment once, but you re-make it every day. You make it a priority in your attitude and behavior…You re-make the decision every day, or several times each day.” Or several times each day. We’re not only confronted with but bombarded daily by refined, processed, and non-nutritional foods and its advertising. People bring it to share at work, it’s in restaurants and grocery stores, and so much of it tastes great and for a split second (or perhaps many split seconds) I might think, “If only I could have just one bite…” But instead of impulsively caving, I think, “Is this worth it? Do I really want to eat this?” Even if the answer is yes, the fact that I thought about it is a far cry from the days of eating whatever whenever.
Something Sharilyn wrote really struck home. “It’s sort of lonely,” she wrote, “but I must view this as an investment in my future.” Lonely. I guess because there are so few of us who choose to eat and live the way we do in reduced-weight bodies that it is often lonely and isolating. Many people just don’t “get it.”
I used to make excuses for how I eat, apologizing almost for refusing to consume something offered me at a restaurant or party. But I found my voice and gave myself permission to be my own boss and to stick up for my dietary needs. I’m not rude or overly demanding, but I inquire about the way foods are prepared, and I’m completely comfortable saying “No” to food that is not part of my plan, even if it was “made for” me. If someone really knows me, they know NOT to make me food unless they’ve discussed it with me first. Not even cupcakes made by a sweet, adorable child.
A few years ago I read a thread on the Weight Watchers board in which a woman posted that she just “had” to eat a cupcake made for her by her niece. I wrote back that no one “has” to eat anything they don’t want to eat. If you want to eat it, eat it, but be honest with yourself. If eating that cupcake is going to make you feel bad about breaking the promise you made to yourself to eat healthy, then don’t eat it. Eating it because you’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings is not staying true to yourself and it’s not going to solve the problem in the future. There WILL be more cupcakes sooner or later.
Food should not equal guilt. If my niece made me a cupcake, I’d thank her and then tell her why I don’t eat cupcakes. There are plenty of tactful ways of saying no to food. Just ask the Girl Scouts who knock on my door every year!
Still, it can be lonely always sticking up for your food choices. Not many people understand. But that’s why maintenance is, as Barbara said, a whole other ballgame. And the lovely, strange and unique things we learn about ourselves is an ongoing education.
